There was a time in my life when I was into stoicism very much. Even though I wasn't being stoic most of the time, the ideas of stoicism inspired me and made me think a lot. I was so into stoicism that I even got an "Amor Fati" tattoo:
I lived with a friend of mine for a couple of months, and we discussed philosophy a lot. We enjoyed thinking about stuff together. One of the ideas we both agreed on is that assumptions are destructive. There are a couple of reasons, but one of the main reasons is that they are mostly incorrect. Whenever you make an assumption, you're very likely to fail. I think that expectations are a form of assumption. You assume that something you expect will happen, and then it doesn't. And you're frustrated, and it makes you sad. When thinking about what makes people unhappy, I realized that most of the time, it's unexpected stuff. Losing an item that you value a lot is surprising. Losing a connection with someone who means a lot to you is also often unpredictable. Finding out you have cancer is fucking shocking. The list goes on.
Sometimes, these unexpected things aren't something terrible. Sometimes, you want something and don't get it. Or you plan something, and it doesn't happen. Very often, it's caused by things you don't control. That's what makes them so unexpected. So what can we do with that? Not that much, actually. Stoicism offers a way of overcoming such unexpected issues. According to it, you just deal with it and try to learn something when possible. However, often it can be pretty hard emotionally. It's hard to be okay with betrayals or the death of people you have loved for some time. It's okay to feel bad and cry, but what you do after that matters a lot. Do you make your conclusions and move on, or do you just continue being upset and sad about something? The choice is yours. I'm trying to move on as soon as possible because, otherwise, life will feel like hell. It's not always easy, but it's always the right thing to do, in my opinion. And something good for your mental health and life in general.
Obviously, I didn't stop making assumptions or expecting stuff I wanted to happen. I don't think I'll ever be able to. However, I can rely on assumptions less, avoid being upset about failed expectations, and chill.
Thanks for reading, and