Trying to deal with wanting to do too many things

It's been a while since I wrote anything here. My fluctuating interests, often intense, are one of the many reasons for my absence. I was into so many things at different points in life that sometimes I think I don't even know what I'm into anymore :). The total time of being interested in stuff varies. Photography, for instance, once held my attention the longest in both its digital (earlier in life) and film (most interested) forms. However, I've since moved away from this hobby, finding that my passion for it has faded. I just don't care about taking or looking at photos anymore. It's just a thing that some people enjoy, but I'm not one of them anymore.

Apart from that, I started working at Breeze a couple of months ago, which has been my only creative focus since then. The company & the product are great so far; hopefully, I'll write something about it at some point. I plan to return to my other creative activities eventually, but I need to maximize my outputs for Breeze first to work on my stuff guilt-free.

The full unlocking of maximizing outputs will happen pretty soon since I'm already progressing in figuring out the best way to work with this team, product & code base. Moving to the Netherlands (I'm moving in less than a month; I'll write about this, too) will also positively impact my goal. At this point, I miss offices, and I think they are great, but there are no Armenian companies/products I really want to work for. 

Apart from work, my subconscious thoughts mainly go into my apps, live-coding music, and reflection (on myself & life). However, I was having an evening walk with A yesterday, and we talked about a lot of stuff; we had a great time. A topic that came up was my plan & desire to write a fiction book about (the idea of) software. This came back to me today. I realized I wanted to start working on it once I managed to have spare time. So, cool, that's one more thing to really want to be doing while not really being able to.
It's a familiar dance, isn't it? :)

At this point, I should probably spend a weekend building my "what project to work on" prioritization tool that I've been thinking about. It could, perhaps, help.

My passion & fascination with software, however, beyond just the engineering aspect, has been a consistent thread in my life, never dimming for more than a few months at a stretch, so I figured I might as well dedicate my life to it. I'm pretty determined in that sense, and it helps me enjoy life & know where I want to go in the near future.


Anyways, thanks for reading this, and
Peace <3

Life Is Strange

I've been thinking about leaving Armenia a lot lately. Throughout the past few days, I had the feeling of not belonging. I've been looking at people's faces and feeling weird. I never wanted to interact with them, not even say hi. Yesterday was strange; I felt alone and was trying to figure out what I wanted to do. That question remains unanswered, though. There is no single thing I can fully commit to. Nothing makes me thoroughly excited, and nothing makes me forget about everything else and focus on it. I understand that this is pretty natural. However, that's not what I expect from myself. I need to build things. I can't just enjoy life and chill forever; that's not what I believe. 

I was in Stepanakert a couple of years ago. We went to a store with a friend to get some goods. He asked me what I'd do if I were financially free. I said I'd still be doing the same thing (working on git-blame.nvim back then). He wanted to go to Hawaii, and Bali and party, enjoy life, or stuff like that. I wasn't interested in a lifestyle like that. I had a party period in my life too. It lasted about 3-5 months. I was socializing more than I wanted and drinking more than I wanted. I was feeling okay back then, though. Nowadays, I look back and think that I wasn't myself. 

I want to build software. That's what I love and enjoy the most. I want to develop software I think is important. I want to do it in a way that no one else does. I want to build stuff people will fall in love with. Most software doesn't have a soul nowadays, and I wouldn't say I like that...

Take care <3