I've been thinking about leaving Armenia a lot lately. Throughout the past few days, I had the feeling of not belonging. I've been looking at people's faces and feeling weird. I never wanted to interact with them, not even say hi. Yesterday was strange; I felt alone and was trying to figure out what I wanted to do. That question remains unanswered, though. There is no single thing I can fully commit to. Nothing makes me thoroughly excited, and nothing makes me forget about everything else and focus on it. I understand that this is pretty natural. However, that's not what I expect from myself. I need to build things. I can't just enjoy life and chill forever; that's not what I believe.
I was in Stepanakert a couple of years ago. We went to a store with a friend to get some goods. He asked me what I'd do if I were financially free. I said I'd still be doing the same thing (working on git-blame.nvim back then). He wanted to go to Hawaii, and Bali and party, enjoy life, or stuff like that. I wasn't interested in a lifestyle like that. I had a party period in my life too. It lasted about 3-5 months. I was socializing more than I wanted and drinking more than I wanted. I was feeling okay back then, though. Nowadays, I look back and think that I wasn't myself.
I want to build software. That's what I love and enjoy the most. I want to develop software I think is important. I want to do it in a way that no one else does. I want to build stuff people will fall in love with. Most software doesn't have a soul nowadays, and I wouldn't say I like that...
Take care <3