Some people discussing the idea of relationships, attraction, and love with me should've noticed that I was mostly negative about relationships. While I'm not saying that everyone should break up right now and there aren't couples that fit together very well, most relationships that the people surrounding me and I had were just bad and weren't going to last. I'm an asexual, so if you take away sex, then the difference between friendship and a romantic relationship becomes even stranger. There are several problems with "classical" relationships. First of all, the over-obsession. When people fall in love, they usually think of their love subject as someone very special and meant for them. They even sometimes think that the person they like is perfect. All these thoughts that will probably change in the future come at the cost of disappointment in people (and maybe in life 😉). After some time, you realize that you don't even have much to discuss because you're different and should've never been together in the first place. Or you get friendzoned and don't understand anything, even if it may be good for you. FYI, Vsauce has an awesome video on the "friend zone". I dislike the obligation to communicate regularly with people in relationships. Sometimes, I don't feel like talking to anyone while being perfectly fine, seeking some alone time. It's worth noting that this obligation is present in non-romantic relationships too. However, it's easier to get back to a friendship after not seeing and talking to each other for a couple of months than a romantic relationship.
So why bother? One might ask. Well, I didn't have the answer to that question. I literally couldn't understand why I would ever want to be in a relationship with someone. Seeking relationships for the sake of it is pretty unhealthy, in my opinion. As far as my experience goes, this behavior often comes with insecurities and feelings of loneliness (not including people who are "alone" but pretty happy). So, if you see someone chasing a relationship, try to understand why they do that. The answers may seem obvious, yet eye-opening :). After this internal conflict of not seeing the benefits, I started getting closer to aromanticism. I was even considering myself an aromatic person for some time. I never really stopped finding some people attractive, but I had no desire to build relationships with anyone and just wanted to be happy alone (at least for that time). I still wanted to have kids and a family (that will hopefully eventually happen), so I was pretty sure that my views on this whole thing would change someday. And that happened today. It's not like I think everyone should be in a romantic relationship now. No. People with personal issues need to fix their stuff before letting someone be a significant part of their life (remember Unintended by Muse?). So what's the deal?Â
I was enjoying my evening while my mind was wandering. I realized why relationships could be a good thing. The answer is intimacy. It's something we all need, but not everyone has it. Intimacy is a good thing. I didn't give my thoughts enough time to develop to understand why I think it's important, but I feel it is. Okay, but can't you reach the intimacy you want with your friends? Perhaps you can. Maybe not to the level you can with romantic relationships, but still doable. I think it just feels different. Can you form romantic relationships that will last without changing to a level where you hate yourself and realize you just spent several years of your life to please someone you don't care about anymore? Perhaps. But it's hard. It requires people with certain qualities. Will I get the intimacy I'm talking about someday? Maybe. I don't know. I've been very happy the past couple of months, and I want it to continue this way and eventually become the norm. No more mindfucking.
Read more »